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We've been friends for over two decades, a person who's overcome numerous hardships, and I respect her for that. But, she's constantly taken by surprise by people. Her partner ended their marriage, which came as an unexpected event. Several of her social circle disappeared at that point, as they were drawn to him. This surprised her. She put in more effort in our friendship, probably realised more acutely the meaning of companionship.

A Recurring Theme In Relationships

Over the years, several close to her vanished leaving her knowing the cause. Her last employer turned on her, despite the fact that she had been an excellent employee, her exit happened unaware of the reason for the change.

Current Dynamics

Recently, we've both stepped back from work so we're spending frequent meetups, however, I feel my position in the relationship is to listen. I start subjects but she shifts conversation onto her own topics. In terms of politics, she has unyielding views. My effort is to recommend factchecking or other angles.

She's been organizing a trip abroad I've visited repeatedly and resided in for a while. I tried to share insights, yet it was not welcomed. She really just desired validation of her plans. I have returned from 30 days in that country and she wants to meet, but I don't.

Evaluating the Situation

I don't want to act as a friend who cuts and runs abruptly, but I don't think she'll truly comprehend the consequences of how she acts on my confidence. Right now, I am in avoidance mode. What's the best step?

Ways Forward

It's possible to end things abruptly, yet this is rarely the easy answer we hope for. But confrontation with the goal of a solution takes courage and readiness from both people.

Professional advice indicates trying a effective method for resolving disputes:

"Step one involves describing the usual pattern during your discussions. This needs to be based on facts like what a recording device would replay. Next is to tell how this leaves you feeling. Ideally, there's no dispute about this. Your feelings are your feelings, after all. Finally is to ask how the two of you can shift the interaction between you."

Consider that she also has a point of view, thus requiring you to be prepared to acknowledge it. One effective method is to say her:

"Now you talk and I promise to remain silent for half an hour."

It's wildly impactful to encourage mutual respect.

Final Thoughts

Your friend might reject your concerns, for those who cling to a “survival narrative”: they have a version of their life they're unable to let go of because their very survival relies on it and it represents they've known. This poses a challenge as there is no thoroughfare in such cases, mere obstacles. However, she might at first react defensively and then think on your words. If you don't achieve a resolution, it will give you closure from having been honest with her.